MY SEXUAL ENERGY

PART 1: SEX: A GREAT SEX LIFE REQUIRE WORKS THAT MOST PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO DO


It's not always easy, you know. A great sex life doesn't come pre-packaged in a bundle tailored to your preference like those money-sucking mobile phone plans do. It's something you've got to work for, think about, plan. It's got to be your priority, or it's never gonna happen.

I seen guys in the city who think they've got it all down. They just dress up, go to the hot spots, and the women latch onto them. Then, you have the married couples who lament not having the shared sex life they once did with their spouse, but they believe that's the natural course that sexual attraction takes. And they have that annoying way of always feeling the need to hide the truth about their waning sexual satisfaction. As if it isn't obvious in how the two once-lovers now communicate, touch, and look at each other. 

The truth is that a great sex life, like all truly wonderful things, requires work. Happy marriages aren't created by eating magic wedding cake after the ceremony, and off-the-charts sex partners don't walk into your bedroom at night and ask if you feel like being fucked. Well, sometimes in my fantasies, they do! 

We all want different things from our sex lives, of course. The definition of a fulfilling one varies between each of us. Still, we'd all wish for fulfillment. We'd really like to get what we want when we want it and with whom we want it. And we can have that...if we gear our life toward making it happen. 

A sexually scrumptious lifestyle doesn't just happen, nor does one just fall apart without reason. Let's face it. It's our fault when passion fades, our sex life doesn't exist anymore, and we find ourselves simply wanting. Everything in life naturally changes over time; there are countless influences, decisions, moods, and motives that move us in different directions. And our sex lives flow right along with that changing tide. Yet, while everything naturally changes, it doesn't naturally get worse. No, we're responsible for that, which means that it's preventable. 

I decided a long time ago that great sex was a very important part of an intimate relationship, especially for me. I want it all. There's nothing wrong with that. In my primary relationships, I want the open communication along with the experimental play. I want the ability to laugh and goof around during sex to come along with the confidence to display affection in public. I want a responsible, trustworthy, dependable, honest, and caring partner along with physical appearance and mental capacity that continuously turn me on, an explorative personality, and a sexually adventurous spirit. 

To have those characteristics in my sexual relationships, I have to be willing to develop and support them myself. To meet and relate with that kind of sexual person, I have to know the same traits myself. I have to be able to offer as much as I want to receive in return, give as much as take...even if that means giving a lot here, so that my partner can have the satisfaction of doing most of the taking, only to reverse roles again and again. 

Mmmm. I'm getting horny just thinking about it. 

Everything on my wish list leaves me with a lot of work to do, a lot of steps to take. I can't say that it hasn't been fun. I've chosen to keep sexual satisfaction, intimacy, and the exploration of my sexuality a priority. And that's led to a life revolving around sex. 

I thought about sex a lot before. Now, I think about it in many different ways and see it in everything I choose to do and say. With this much focus, I've found myself amused by how everything can be traced back to sex...sex I've had, sex I want, sex I'm even right in the midst of at the moment. I want to be fulfilled, try everything on my wish list, have the satisfaction of seeing my deserving partner truly content and even eagerly anticipating the mere sight or presence of little old me. 

It's taken me this long to discover a truly compatible partner. A great sex life can't take place when the others involved don't make it as much of a priority as you do. Together, we've created a joined life revolving around sex. 

Finding time for sex between two different schedules can be difficult, and just when you've got that figured out, there are those energy-draining factors created by the outside world like sleep deprivation, physical exhaustion, depression, hunger, or even uncleanliness. You have to consider them all in making your sex life as amazing as it's capable of. 

Sure, we can go at it any time, regardless of our health or moods, but that won't keep the passion alive. Rather, I find myself keeping sex on the mind enough to set the right stage for the most fun later. I know that if I get a nap in when I'm tired, that means I'll be that much more fresh when I met up with my partner. If I treat myself to a long, pampering bath, that leaves me feeling all the more desirable and confident to keep that certain radiant smile on my face whenever she's around. I know that keeping myself healthy and fit translates to a better physical and emotional experience in the bed. And the flattering words I use to speak to my lover with helps keep that passionate spirit alive in her as well and she issuing more beautiful words to me in return. 

It doesn't have to be obvious to others that you're keeping sex in mind when making those dull decisions throughout the day. No one has to know your life secretly revolves around sex. But what you can't ever hide is that aura of satisfaction, contentment, and renewed energy you carry and that evidence of having that great sex life everyone wishes they had themselves. 



PART 2-SEX: MY LOVE FOR SEX...WHY I AM SO INTO IT THAN THE VAST MAJORITY OF PEOPLE


I love sex. I love reading about it, doing it, everything that relates to it. I can't help it. When I am in bed with a woman...it just like being at home. I can't explain it. Acceptance, love, lust, power, release...all wrap into one. I wonder sometimes if there is anyone who love sex as much as I do. People get turn off with my picture in my blog, my fantasies, my stories...and when I talk about sex. But I am sure are is a few percentage who are like me. We like everything from explicit romance to downright dirty porn in those magazines labeled "smut." We get excited at the chance to be sexual voyeurs or even find ourselves expressing our own desires as exhibitionists. 

We just can't get enough. We know it's all different. We find almost everything intriguing even if we think we'd never witness it in real life ourselves or desire to try it. Every sexual partner offers satisfaction for a separate part of our sexual selves. So does each new sex writer, story, model, photographer, artist, toy, site, or shop we come across. We want to taste it all. We want to have it all. We want to fulfill our complex sexual selves in every way. 

So, when is enough enough? Is there a such thing as "too much" in the world of sex? Can our love of searching, tasting, touching, and knowing all things sexual be unhealthy? Can we be too sex-focused? 

I don't think so. Every now and then, I come across something that causes me to pause for a bit and realize just how sex-focused my current projects, ideas, and goals are. There'll be a new acquaintance in the real world that reminds me that not everyone is in the business of sex in some way or another, that the majority of everyone's friends aren't all sex bloggers, sex industry workers, erotic art connoisseurs, or collectors of porn. Every now and then, I remember that my life and current focus aren't typical, that there are others out there who actually go through a day without reading sexual content, looking at a nude picture, or even having sex. 

There are others in the world that just aren't like you and I. And if we pause to think about it, we feel different for just a bit. We remember that there are politicians, officials, neighbors, and members of our social group that actually believe our thoughts, jobs, hobbies, or activities to be a little weird. It's not that we don't like or even relish being different in this way; it's just strange to realize now and then just how different we are. How different they are from us. 

In those moments, I always ask myself "why?" Why do I find it so fascinating to reside in the world of sex at all? What's driving us? Is it possible to live and breathe too much of a good thing, such as sex? 

That's when I marvel, yet again, at the enormous power and influence that something as simple, basic, and ingrained as sex is. It's one of the most important concepts in all the world, if not the most important. It's not just an activity, a manner of thinking or feeling, a motivator, an end goal, or a primal instinct. It touches every single aspect of who we are as humans, and everything we choose to do, say, and be can be traced back to who we are as sexual beings. 

The world of sex holds me now because of how profound it is. It's cause and effect. Biological, emotional, physiological, social, and psychological. It's political. The power of sex is what has made it the center of so much debate and controversy era after era. Those who embrace it openly can't deny its power and influence anymore than those who equate it to evil and consider it the cause of all the wrong in the world. There's no denying that sex is part of who we are, what we live for (or against), the means for achieving some of our most prized goals, and the problem or solution to many situations we find ourselves in. 

When limits are placed on sex, limits are placed on our personal freedom. Anything affecting our sense of sexual self or our sexual activity also affects our non-sexual lives. We know it, and that's why we choose to continue to educate or entertain ourselves as much as possible. That's why we fight for causes relating to the rights of the sexes or different types of relationships. We know it's importance, it's influence, it's power. 

There's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing unhealthy about acknowledging who we are, what we love, what moves us forward, or what makes us more developed human beings. There isn't anything odd about focusing our interests, goals, or activities around what is actually at the core of our existence. On the contrary, it's the healthiest thing we could possibly do. 

In our exploration and expression of sex to ourselves, with our partners, or to the masses, we're honoring who we are as individuals. We're building connections with others and developing stronger relationships and understanding. We're relating on new levels. We're becoming stronger, more aware, and more productive humans. We're learning deeper acceptance of ourselves and others. This is what my search, my love, and my joy of sex has done for me




PART 3-SEX: SEXUAL ENERGY, SEXUAL EXPRESSION, AND LOVE

The female form can be found everywhere ...in seepods, seashells, caves, crevices in nature----even in the undulation of stone, flowers with their soft fold deep recesses, have also had along symbolic association with the vulva. Most people who call the vulva a pussy are thinking of something cute and kittenlike. But the slang is more likely to have come from puss, a old verse word for purse. I see the female form in peaches sometimes..because peaches are ripes and juicy and nice to eat. I view the vulva as the gateway to GOD. Today it's more likely to be refered to as "the money shot". It's a lost to us when sex become dehumanized. At the heart of mutual gratification lies empathy and compassion. There's this tension in all of us when we have sex---between something that's a very intimate, intense connection to the other and a requirement that we be able to focus inward and privilege our own pleasure. If you're worried too much of focused too much on your partner, you sometimes can't surrender to your own pleasure, you can't turn selfish enough to be able to really let go . Sex is about letting go.

Sexual expression was open once in human history. As Rome fell so did sexual expression. Christian theologians particularly St. Augustine in the Middle Ages began teaching that sexual desire was evil adnthe sexual organ was associated with the unclean, with lust and the devil. You see...we didn't always thing that nude was such a bad thing until the Middle Ages.

To me sexual pleasure occurs in the brain, not in the gentials, those are simply pleasure receptors and nerve ending. You can touch them and feel no pleasure at all. Or you can touch them and feel a great deal of pleasure. The difference is the context and the meaning. 

In the "Love in the Time of Cholera", Gabriel Garcia marques describe two lovers seeing each otehr for the first time-"the girl raised her eyes to see who passing by the window, and that casual glance was the beginning of a cataclysm of love that sill had not ended half a century later"

Why do we go for the same types over and over? We only touch a hot stove once but can get burned again and again, searching for our heart's desire. That mysterious, surprising connection we sometimes feel with a person we've just met--"Are you sure we've never met before?" ...Maybe because in our mind's eyes we have met before. The idealized image of the perfect partner traced along invisible threads may closely match the person whose eyes, smile and mannerism seem so familar to us.

To me....when people kiss, they exchange their soul, that its between their mouth and tongues that the soul exchangesd. And so the kiss is more of a soulful connection mabye than intercourse and other way of being together. If you are fortunate enough for love to find you...like it did for me, this magic transforms itself into a new feeling of security confort, calm and union with your partner. Much as we would like to believe that we can jump in and out of erotic and sexual encouter as easly as we can jump in and out of a shower, a movie, or a subway, the experience of being sexually in full, rich powerful ways inevitable enages and entire range of complexis issues--emotionally and spirtually. Some of these issues includes our feeling about interpersonal boudaries, past experience and giving up control. And yet it is precisely because sex has the potential to challenge us on all these levels that its gifts can be so great.

When my self-esteem is low, I have these fantasies of woman approaching me, wanting to have sex with me. It's a ego boost for me to have these fantasies. I never act on them. All I need is to imagine some stranger thinking I'm hot and that makes me feel better. As we reflect on our fantsies, it's important to understand that they are not motivated by rational impulses. They enrich us most not because they're a call for action but rather, because they open us to the deeper mysteries of sex adn our individuality.

Research has shown that by far the most common fantasy involves some form of dominance and submission. Not necessarily the kind with whips and chains and the requisite theatrical cliches, but some scenario in which one person has more control than the other one---odd given the most of us strive for equality and balance in modern relationship. I have a fantasy of watching my partner have sex....being slutty...I know it about control issue. In one of my previous relationship..she was controlling in and out of the bedroom. Fantasy give much needed light to our dark side. I think fantasies are there for a reason. When you move them out of the realm of your own mind and try to impose them on a partner or encourage a partner to act them out, people end up feeling disappointed and humilated. Sometimes it does
result in pleasant surprise and very postive. But that's only when people involved can communication well and know what they'll doing and when emotional connection in the relationship always remain what's most important---no the acting out of a certain scenario.

The french have an expression for orgasm--le petit mort, the little death. In dying, we let go of this world and all its limitations. Losing ourselves clears a space for something larger. In sexual release, we sense a communion with the realm of the divine. As we touch each other, we truly touch something timeless. Sex is completely different now I'm in love. When I wasn't in love, it was just pure physical sensation. When love is involved, there's a balance of body, mind, and spirit that enables me to be confident and to enjoy my life to the fullest. If sex is the religion of a relatinoship, we celebrate with our own rituals that connect us with sensual elemental side of life: candles, the fires, baths, the water, perfumes, the air, food, the earth and the gift it brings.

Sexual energy, creative energy...its all the same thing, You know love, sex...its just expression. And sometimes it ends up being a baby and sometimes it end up being a comic book, to a blog and sometimes it end up being a painting or a song.


PART 4- SEX: SEXUAL PERVERSION

How far is too far for you?

Perversion ((if youll allow me to give you the exact dictionary meaning)) means;


per-ver-sion;
1. A sexual practice or act considered to be abnormal or deviant.


Were not talking just a friday night required screw between you and a significant other. We're talking raunchy, deep down in your subconscious all out sex. Now, Im by no way saying that ALL people have something perverted they call sexy. I have however, read an article lately by a psychiatrist with a degree in sexual orientation, by the name of Dr. Katarina Leonard. She says ((and i quote)) "Every subconscious has some sort of sexual disfunction or perversion. Disfunction in the way that a singular sexual impulse is not considered 'natural' or something that is commonly done and accepted. Perversion could be anything from wanting to touch and look at someones toes to wanting to be tied up and whipped, and anything in between and above."

So do we all hear that class? All of us have our little odd bits, and so many dont embrace them. But that is another article, from another day. Have we all given ourselves permission to do just what is "normal and something that is commonly done and accepted"? When you think of one of your most hidden fantasies, does it make you bite your lip or kind of push it down in fear? Sexual repression is also a common thing among us little humans, it happens when something traumatic has happened in our lives or when we have been strictly guided in a certain direction.

I do not see anything wrong with the words "sexual perversion" they may even light a little fire in my brain. But to you is that healthy or unhealthy. Many health and psychiatry specialist think the way I do, healthy sexual fetish should be followed and explored. Its healing to your mind and soul to be yourself and I think sex, and deepest fantasies are yourself in one of its truest forms.

Love and sex for some people are inextricably linked, which would make it hard for them to indulge in anything they thought was dirty or bad, thinking it would sully the love and care in a relationship and turn it to just raunchy sex. This isnt true, in many cases deep sexual connections mean as much and add as much to relationships as deep love and devotion.

To stray from relationships ((scream)), perversions though they may be, theyre still inside of you and me, and if you wanna live life right, be careful baby, but take a bite.



PART 5-SEX: TO ME...SEX IS AN EXPRESSION OF THE GODLY NEED TO LOVE, TO EXPRESS, TO PLEASURE AND ENJOY

Sexual pleasure is God's way of giving you an opportunity to love and be loved. Sex is not a way to getting anything. It is a way of giving and of totally experiencing yourself and all of your beauty and magnificence. It seem that most people regarded as shameful necessity, a matter to be discussed only in whispers. That is why most woman when they see my website or blog they get offended. Here is one email:

"I'm not against nudity, erotica or some (tasteful) "pornography". However, your site does not give a good impression when the first thing I see are stills of a woman blowing a guy who comes in here face. All this says to me is that this guy wants faceless, anonymous sex with any woman"

This is typical with most woman. They see any expression of sex and it all about getting laid..which is not true. That sex should be hidden or it is bad. I love sex. To me...essentially sex is a form of communication. It is a form of physically and emotional expression whereby we and our partner pleasure our bodies. Sex can be merely a physical act but with the added dimension of true love, it can be spiritual expression of ectasy for two beings joined in a cosmic oneness.

To have a satifactory sexual relationship, you must listen to your body speak to you, know what you want, and be sufficiently trusting to ask your partner for it. And you must be willing to give your partner what he or she wants. Both of you, as consenting adults, are seeking a mutuality of the highest good. If you do not see yourself as a lovable and capable being, you will be insecure about your sexual need and will not be willing to pleasure and be pleasured by your mate.

But telling the truth take courage because you truly have to give up the need for approval. I have the courage to express my sexual energy and I don't care if anyone likes it or hate it or whatever. Hiding your sexual needs and desire from your partner or anyone perpetuates unhappy games. If your game is to deprive yourself sexually, when your partner ask what you want, you won't even know. Or you will refuse to tell, will make some smart-aleck remark, or even start a fight so that you both end up with your backs turned to each other and go to sleep in unsatisfied, self-righteous anger.

Self-righteousness has absolutely no place in loving sex. You must give up making yourself or your partner wrong or right. The bed is not the place to get even or to victimize yourself or another. You must be willing to communicate openly and freely with your partner. This means sharing your fears, doubts, wants, and pleasures. Be compassionate with yourself and your partner. Be committed to your own joy, to his or her joys, and to creating a loving and supportive envirnoment. The behavior you express outside the bedroom is the behavior you will express inside the bedroom. You being your lovingness or your hostility, your security or your insecurity with you. The way you express yourself outside the bedroom become more pronounced in the bedroom.

Many of our sexual distortions derives from our fantasies. Fantasies are natural and not wrong, but people perceive them as nasty, dirty thoughts. They feel guilty about them and allow them to block the way to a natural, loving, sexual relationship. After all, in its simplest sense, sex is a expression of the godly need to love, to express, to pleasure and enjoy. It is not bad...and it is not something to hide. This is the biggest misunderstand people have about me. My desire for sex is also my desire for love and to express.

So many people have never had a satisfying sexual relationship. They always thing it's the other person's fault. They go from mate to mate, from relationship to relationship looking for the ideal sexual experience. And they never realize that the barriers to satisfaction are their own belief, their own withholds, their own fear of asking for what they want. If they can overcome these barriers with one person, they will open themselves up to more loving, supportive relationship and give permission to enjoy themselves sexually. They will know that their fantasies are not bad, that they don't have to be acted out, althought doing so may be perfectly acceptable with a loving, supportive mate.

When you accept the world as supportive, you will allow yourself to experience the good things in it---and that includes sex.

If you are saying "no" to your own sexuality, the universe will say "no" to you through your sex partner. If you're hooked on getting approval, you'll be locked into performance, organism, appearance, partner comparions and on and on.

You must affirm that sex is all right for you and that God wants you to enjoy your body, to loving experience yourself and your loved ones, and without barriers or the need to hurt, or to get even, or to make wrong or right. You must accept that the bedroom is not the place for games playing in the negative sense of the term. Accept the bedroom as the opportunity for transcending love


PART 6-SEX: WHEN I MAKE LOVE:
What a woman really want from you sexually is to be taken to another place, to feel your presence and be filled by your love so seh can trust you and surrender utterly in full bodied bliss.

When making love, my attention is drawn to the warm grip of her vagina around my penis. Feeling through the pumping, slippery heat of my lover's vagina around my penis. As good as it feel, it feel better when I feel the empty space in which the energy of the sensation appears, like the air in which a mirage occus. The realization of fullness (hot, wet, throbbing) and emptiness (the space of sensation) liberate bliss from the merely physical into an unconstrained infinitude of openness and depth. I notice my own thoughts, feel into my lover's emotional flows. Sense the currents of energy moving through both of our bodies, enjoy her fragrance, the smoothness of her leg, the fullness of her lips, open your heart to merge with her heart, breathe together, redirect my orgasm so it shoots up my spine, and through the room in all direction, collecting the "field" of consciousness with my breath and penetrate my partner's soul with it, ravish my partner with the face of my deepest love, allowing my love to move through my body, my partner's body, and outward to all being, moment by moment, resting as the spontaneous force of bliss that dance as my and my lover and everything else

HUGE SEXUAL ENERGY NECESSITATES HUGE LOVE.



PART 7-SEX: WHAT SEX MEANS TO ME



When your desire stems from the fulness of love coursing urgently through your body as physical sensations, the excitment of wating to share this with the special person next to you is desire that grows and is truly a gift from God. If, on the other hand, your desire stems from a sense of emptiness inside, you end up thinking of yourself as a little thing that has to have that sexy person over there to be whole. Your desire destroys love when you crave attachment to the other person. Desire then becomes painful. If it is not fulfilled you feel hurt, angry, and disappointed. Total fulfillment is impossible. You may feel brief satisfaction, but you end up being consumed by the fires of disappointment because ultimately you can only use your sexuality to express love, not to extract it. Desire laced with devotions---where your happiness is in terms of what you can do for your lover- is the way freedom and fulfillment. You're not using your partner to feel good about yourself--you're touching them to express the beauty that is already within you. Being the most sensitive, tender, and personal parts of your body, your sexual organs speak eloquently either of love or problem.

The greater your commitment to love, the freer you can be in bed. You can give up concepts of he,she and how it is to be and experience passion at its best. There is no forbidden acts because there is no judgment--only the desire to share the fulness of your devotion to each other. In a new relationship, the joy of sharing your body can lead to a momentary loving appreciation of your partner for the pleasure they have shared. It can serve as an introduction to intimacy. But sex can also be used to avoid intimacy. Sex can be used to avoid pain or seek momentary pleasure when there is no real joy in life. Most men enjoyed his sense of power in "turning them on". My frantic attempt to feel strong and avoid the vulnerability his itense need to be taken care of. 

A man and a woman walk by, holding hands. You fill your mind with an imagined story about their happiness. Suddenly, a heavy cloud of misery darkens your heart. You have no one to play the romantic lead opposite you in your own life story! The conflicting pain of longing for someone new, and the misery accompanying the though of giving up. The beach, an island of contentment a few minutes ago, has instead become an expansive prison of unbearable isolation. Your sense of wellbeing is painfully destroyed when your mind attaches itself to a desire for someone or something outside of yourself. As you focus your attention and energy on getting, you are giving up being.

When our mate's behavior or ideas conflict with our own, it is especially threatening to our self-esteem. We feel hurt or angry. "How" we may ask ourselves,"can the person I love be so inconsiderate of have so little understanding?" This often takes the from of an adomition such as, "If you really loved me, you would........" Since no two of us have identical life experience, we don't feel, think, or act alike. Growth and intimacy at a deeper level come through the resolution of disagreements. In order to really open our loved ones, we have to give up being so attached to our own beliefs of right or wrong and put ourselves in each other's shoes. This brings us closer to the reality that we are more than our thoughts, more than our bodies, more than our feelings. We have a higher self that is one with God--a self that is understanding and loving. When the higher selves of you and your mate connect, you are on theway to being soul mate.

It is important the you never look to another person to make you happy. Happiness is an internal experience that no one else can create for you. You have the good feeling naturally when you are at peace with yourself and use your life energy to share the physically, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual parts of yourself in a caring way. When you do that, you feel powerful and independent. You are whole as you are. You don't have to search for someone else to make your complete. If you have seen been expecting your mate to make you happy, you end up angry and disappointed. You find fault with them and use this as an excuse to get lost in your children, your career, or something else to "make you happy". 

Emotional pain comes when you fail to use your life energy to live fully in the present moment and long for something or someone else to fulfill this moment for you. This happens when:

-You have unrealistic expectations for yourself
-You are self-critical
-You cling to the past and/or are fearful fo the future

When sex is an expression of love, it can convey or enhance all of the things listed above and more. Without the protective cloak of love, sex becomes more like a manipulative weapons that uses another person's body to get something instead of the expression of caring, joy, and excitement it is meant to be. Whenever sex isn't an expression of love, conflicts often arise because people feel used, manipulated, or even less than human.

Many couples have sex in the same way at the same time under the same conditions. When this is the case, sex becomes a boring routine used to relieve tension. Inevitably, one of the partners feels used and the other feel uncared for. The resulting lack of fulfillment and excitment, coupled with resentment, breed conditions ripe for affairs. It is our nature to take what we have for granted. Your partner becomes a "things"- something you own that you expect to be there for you. The 'thing' you want to have sex with is, of course, a living human being with fiery emotions and needs that are always changing. To have intercourse with them as if they were merely a lump of flesh provided only for your pleasure is dehumanizing--for both parties. 

It is imperative to stay in touch with your emotions and those of your partner. Each variant of the sex act can be a beautiful expression of shared feelings: giving, taking, feeding, nursing, playing, expressing masculinity and femininity, strenght and tenderness. How does your body want to express these things sexually. If you do start longing to have sex with someone else, look deeply within yourself to see what you really want. Don't stop at "That body really trusted on--it's you. Find out how you keep yourself from experiencing that same excitment with your partner




PART 8- JOURNAL: ALOT OF PEOPLE HAVE ISSUES WITH MY SEXUAL ENERGY

Everyone love my emotional side of me...but are afraid of my sexual side. I can't change who I am. My sexual energy is the fire...the engine of love yearning for love and oneness. To lower my sexual energy would lower my passion for life. Over the centuries dogmatic religions and other cultural prisons have force fed us lies about ourselves. We have learned that sex is sex and there is a time and a place for it. Nowadays we have a socio-political climate where men are afraid to make a move on a woman for fear of offending her and women are afraid to be sexual in case they are judged on that rather than their merits. This is not natural and I don’t know about you, but I won’t live my life in this fearful state!

I’m not suggesting we go round shagging anywhere, anytime with anyone we choose [although that would be nice wouldn’t it!!]. And it doesn’t mean that we should be constantly turned on [mmm now there’s a thought.. maybe we can…]. It means much more than that. I’m suggesting that we need to recapture our sexual essence and celebrate empower it and let it flow through our lives as it was intended to. Let’s learn to fall in love with our sexuality all over again and embrace it as a wondrous driving force in our lives.

The Martial arts and many of the Eastern meditative practices, religions and medicine have long been aware of and harnessed the body’s energy centres. Most martial artists will spend a long time learning to centre their energy and focus because without that, all the techniques in the world won’t work.

How useful would it be if you could get just a little of the focus and centering they have, that would be quite nice wouldn’t it? Well you can.

One of the key energy centres is the hara. This is the centre of your life energy and also your sexual energy. It's about 2 –4 inches below your belly button or around that area, from the centre out to the sides. When you feel sexual desire for someone chances are you will have sensations here. When you focus your attention on this point and regulate your breathing, you become more solid, centred or whatever word you choose to use.

Breathing into your energy centre - in and out slowly

Find somewhere quiet to stand with your feet about six inches apart and locate the point. Some call it one-point as well as hara. There are many names for it. Your task is just to find it. Place your mental attention on this area of your body as you begin to breathe in and out slowly. Imagine the power rising from this point up your spine to the top of your head and returning down your back to between your legs and up to the hara again. This is your true personal power in action. This is powerful stuff. You can begin now. Do this often and become aware of feelings there and notice the difference. You are beginning to move your energy around your body and when you can link the sexual side of this energy and move that too, mmmm. It’s great! But more of that later.

“When passion burns within you remember that it was given to you for a good purpose.” Old Hassidic saying

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful motivating forces in our life. We were designed to reproduce and the urge is genetically imprinted. As we evolve, we still have this primal driver but our urge to reproduce, whilst strong, is no longer the life and death matter it used to be. So what do we do with all this excess sexual energy? As well as enjoying wonderful soulful sex, we can learn to harness and use this motivational force in other areas of our life.

What makes a woman desire a man instantly?

My friend Jenn says that sometimes she walks into a room and it's like she's been hit by a ‘wall of testosterone’. In fact she's closer to the truth than she realises. It’s usually coming from a certain type of man I know that feeling. Some men give it off and others don’t. So what’s the secret?

Let’s go back to the primitive beginnings of human beings. Women and men were programmed to fulfil certain roles. A man’s purpose was to spread his seed and a woman’s purpose was to find a man to impregnate her and take care of business while she nurtures the child. These are our primary drivers, because despite the passing of time, our bodies, reproductive and survival mechanisms are still organized in this way. It’s what some call the primitive urge. That’s why men do sometimes yearn to stray and women feel their biological clocks ticking.

Of course we are not our primitive ancestors; we have evolved with many more layers of sophistication cloaking our primitive sexuality. We sometimes forget we are still essentially sexual beings driven by primary urges.

Over the centuries, our brains have evolved and we have harnessed nature and technology to our will. Women defy nature by going out to work and men are not always the providers or towers of strength we expect them to be. Most of us are OK with this. Did you know that in a survey of successful career women, scientists registered quite elevated levels of testosterone.

Men are experiencing lowered sperm counts as the water we recycle becomes more and more clogged with female hormones.

We are evolving all the time, and throughout it all, our link to our roots is evident in our ongoing desire to mate, copulate, have sex with another human being. Who we have it with and how we have it has changed, the desire remains the same.

Confidently himself

Men that are instantly sexually attractive to women are generally giving out some very masculine vibes. This doesn’t mean that they are all 6ft muscle-bound animals. What they are giving out is confidence. When a man is confident and self assured, it means that he is OK with who he is. We emit chemicals all the time. The maleness of men is determined by testosterone levels. It is the male hormone, just as oestrogen is the female hormone. When we are happy we emit different chemicals to those we emit when we are sad. When we are in touch with our sexuality we begin to emit more of our sexual chemicals.

We are also highly sense-ual beings able to pick up on these chemicals unconsciously. That’s why we say things like, I just felt right about her or he had a look about him, I liked the smell of him and even he’s very tasty. We are literally sensing this person’s confidence, using long dormant powers of sensory perception. We pick this stuff up with all our senses, not just our sight or touch. We smell, taste, touch, see and hear little signs, inaudible to our conscious mind. We put these signs together and get a feeling..We often describe it in terms of the sense we use most to process the world.

The fact remains that we KNOW. That's why people say things like 'I just know'. But this is just an initial thing. It's so important, but on it's own it is merely a trigger for lust and some of us don't wait to find out more..we plunge into lust..driven by our primitive urges and hormones set a rocking by the input of male power.

Bad guy syndrome

This explains in part why women often fall for the ‘bad guys’. Bad guys are out there fully believing in themselves and often ultra cocky. They strut their stuff, play with their mobile phones, dangle their Porsche keys and emit vibe upon vibe of cocky confidence, and women are unconsciously drawn to it just as ms peacock is drawn to the best display of feathers. When they talk they give off powerful sexual vibes. They never turn off their sexuality. You leak the truth from every pore

Men who aren’t confident in their own sexuality and maleness, on the other hand, are probably inside their heads either playing the I’m a harmless man game, or worrying about whether a girl will fancy him, talking to himself, making terrible images of failure and all the while emitting those lack-of-confidence chemicals. We women can smell it a mile off. The man’s body language reflects how he is, even before his thoughts get more gloomy or hopeless or non-sexual.

When a man learns to be in touch with and accept and feel good about his masculinity and is comfortable with being a sexual being and doesn’t cut off his sexuality in order to appear less threatening to women, he will become attractive.

He will be emitting his own wall of testosterone. When he is like this surrounded by his maleness, and he knows how to make women feel good by genuine concern and interest not false flattery, we will sense his charisma and be drawn like a dog to a juicy steak. We smell the confidence, we feel the warmth, and if he can make us laugh on top of that we are guaranteed to melt..

Playing a waiting game or not
A friend told me recently about his first sexual encounter that nearly never was. He went back to this girl's place and decided to do the 'gentlemanly thing' by offering to sleep on the sofa. She sat next to him, put her arms around him and looked him straight in the eye. 'What's the problem' .. don't you want me?. Of course he did. He was prepared to wait and she had to give him a clear signal to go ahead. Luckily for him she was self-assured enough to ask him, otherwise he may have lost out.

A young friend recounted how he'd become friends with a woman and slept with her a couple of times, but not had sex. He thought to himself, I'll just play it cool for a while, and it'll build up slowly. The third time they got together it happened.

She may have needed to build up trust. Not all women or men come to relationships unscarred. Some have learnt to see them not as scars but as lessons. Others haven't yet. Sometimes women need to be given space to build up trust. Others are ready to go for it straight away.

Remember you have a choice. You can be honest and say how you feel, and also make it clear that you'll respect her wishes.

The template factor

What also makes a man instantly attractive to a woman, provided he has the inner self confidence, is to what degree he fits her physical template for a man.

Let me explain. We all have a type even if we don’t know it and even if all the men we have been with don’t fit the type. And even if they do match the template, I always have to find out more before I am totally sure of the attraction. It may only take a short conversation for me to know whether I could be attracted to this woman, but the conversation bit is essential for me.

They may be from a completely alien world to me and just not my type! Or, they may be someone who shows some interesting sparks beyond their looks and that's when I know I want it to go further. Some people get primarily 'turned on' to someone else by a great voice, others are suckers for looks and some 'feel' an energy. We are all different and all process the world through a different combination of senses.

Most people have a template for a certain look which could just as easily be a long legs, blond hair...blue eyes It is something that seems to have begun somewhere in childhood or even before and if you stop for a moment and think, you may begin to recognise instances of sameness in the types of people you have looked at and gone ‘wow’ [and we’re not just talking movie stars here!].

What are men really attracted to in a woman?

Just one thing

A 23 year old male patientworks in a trendy bar. He is a total woman magnet. The bar deliberately employs guys that are attractive and magnetic because they have a lot of early 20's very late teens, sophisticated women punters. This guy has enormous success with women. They flock round him. I thought I'd ask him what he finds attractive in a woman!

He said that she had to have one thing about her that would make him look twice. It could be her smile, her hair, the way she walks or her voice or great legs/face/body/whatever. That one thing will set him off and into action. Then she has to be interested in him and able to talk.

She wants me

A sophisticated, charismatic, good looking male patient answered with a very long and inspiring list of thoughts. A little tongue in cheek, his mail began

"What I want in a woman is ... when I lift my right eyebrow, her nipples go hard as rocks.. and when I lift my left eyebrow, she creams her jeans.."

He said his with a wry humour, but the sense of it came from the male's deep primitive sexual origins. Nipples going hard and wet pussies are all signs of a woman's desire for a man. A man feels hot when a woman wants him.

You don't have to go to those extremes, yet [and how exciting will it be when you can maintain hot desire for your lover/partner just by thinking about it. [See generating sexual energy at will]. I really think that if a woman is interested in a man, she does have to show him. Men need reassurance too. They need to be wanted as much as we do.

Energy-dead vs. energised
This guy also looks at the way a woman moves. Is she graceful and sylphlike in her movements. He also notices when a woman is giving out the kind of energy he likes.

Once I pointed out a very slim, traditionally attractive, blond about 23 yrs old -she may have been a model because she was carrying a model's portfolio case. I said 'what about her'. He glanced, and glanced away 'No energy'. He was right, she was 'beautiful' but energetically dead.

Another very earthy, attractive and sensual man said to me 'I like a woman to be in touch with her own body'. He also said he looked for 'that spark of energy'. This is a very kinaesthetically oriented man. He sees but it is primarily translated in his feelings. He is attracted to the vibes, sparks and senses the energy of women.

Keeping the fire alight

How do you move? You know, I think the way someone moves is largely determined by the way they are at that moment. When you are really feeling good, sparkly and being yourself, you tend to change your posture and your whole physiology comes together to create a special energy that flows from your pores.

When this energy goes out alongside your individual chemical messengers, someone who is a match for you will pick up on it. Doesn't it make sense to be like this more and more. You could meet a special person anywhere at any time.

Some heating systems rely on a boiler. The boiler roars into action when hot water is required and it subsides to the merest pilot light when it is not. If you have used one of these systems, you will know how important it is to keep the pilot light burning. Is your pilot light lit, or has it gone out. Time to relight the fire.

How can I generate and transmit sexual energy as an attractant?

Do what i do>>>>>>>>>>>>>Getting to the core of you

Yes! It's time to relight your fire. What if you think it's never been lit. Oh yes it has. It was sparking once ready to roar into action and light up the world. When you were a tiny child, before you were filled full of toxic stories that dulled you like a piece of tarnished silver, you shone as only you can. You resonated your tune in harmony with he world. The good news is that like silver that has dulled, the tarnish can be removed to reveal the true beauty beneath - you, as you once were and can still be.

First and foremost it's useful and important to understand and accept that you are a sexual being. If you balk at that idea, how about trying it on just for now. You might like it! Your levels of desire and attitudes to sexuality may be very different to many other people. We have all been subject to stories of some kind that have tarnished our shining sexuality. Each person carries his or her portfolio of stories like dust that clogs the pores and impedes the smooth flow in you.

Let flow your fantasies and desires

I do this all the time with the poem, cartoon and stories. You've had sexual desires and needs and sometimes you've fulfilled them either with yourself, or with a partner/s or in some dream or fantasy. These desires are part of your individual make up. There are only a few criteria that any desire or act must fulfil before it is acceptable.

1. It must not harm anyone against their will

2. It must be agreeable to all parties involved

3. It should be safe

4. If with another party, that party should be another human being over the age of consent. [i.e. sex with animals is not good, it's dangerous and not fair on the animal - animal sex should only take place in your fantasies]

Think about it... whatever you want is OK. And what you can't have with someone else, you can have in your dreams and fantasies if that quells the desire. You just have to indulge it or find a willing partner to indulge it with you.

How to generate sexual energy

Lie down, sit or stand - it only matters that you are comfortable

Locate your hara point and focus your attention on it. Relax and inhale and exhale a few times until your breathing is slow and regular. Just let it happen.

Close your eyes if you wish.

Begin to think of the ultimate sexual fantasy that turns you on. If necessary, watch the porn, read the book, think the thoughts you need to in order to get the fantasy going

Notice where the feelings are in your body. Breathe as if you are moving those feelings up the front of your spine through the middle of your body, wafting past your heart and to the top of your head. As you breathe out, imagine the energy waving back down over the top of your head, down through the back of your spine to the hara point.

Loop the feelings round and round, while still maintaining the fantasy. Don't attempt to masturbate at this time. This is not about trying to reach orgasm. Just allow the sexual feelings to move around your body. Notice as they subside and continue to breathe.

Relax.

Do this again, and again. What you are doing is generating sexual energy, but not using it to create orgasm. This energy is very empowering. The more you generate it on a daily basis, the more juiced up you are going to be for life.

This is very good for you...you are building up your sexual energy... and it can be used for all sorts of wonderful things...